-contributed by Angela Moreno

I remember waking up in the middle of the night from a bad dream.  I ran to the kitchen where my dad was.  He picked me up, sat me on the counter, and asked me what was wrong.  I told him that I didn’t want him to die.  He told me that I wouldn’t have to worry about that for a very long time.

Almost 25 years later, I remembered that night as I sat by his bed in the hospital.  We had just taken life support off of him and we were waiting for him to go home to be with Jesus.  I had no idea how I was going to deal with this loss.

We’ve all be in this situation.  If you haven’t, you unfortunately will face it sooner than you would like.  How do you go on when you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest?  How do you wake up every morning and know that you will no longer see or hear that person?

Every person faces and deals with grief differently.  However, there are 5 basic stages that the majority of people go through.  Those stages are:

1. Denial– we deny that this cannot be happening to us and that it’s just a dream.  Somehow this will all go away if we just believe that it’s not true.
2. Anger– we are angry at someone usually God for letting our loved one die.  How can a loving God let someone so devoted to him die in this way?  How can God take away a person who is needed so much?  How can God let them suffer so?
3. Bargaining– If you do this for me, I’ll do this for you.
4. Depression–  We let the stress of everything control us and our mood.  We have a difficult time adjusting to normal life and start to withdrawal from others.
5. Acceptance– We finally come to peace with everything.

We don’t necessarily go through each of these stages.  In my case, I only went through 2 stages: bargaining and acceptance.  Technically, bargaining happened before my father’s death.  I thought I could bargain with God to keep him here with me longer.  It didn’t work out that way though.  I had to accept that this was God’s will and part of His master plan for my life.

The area I want us to focus on is anger.  We tend to get angry at God when we lose someone.  We think that He doesn’t understand how difficult it is to lose someone.  But He knows better than any of us.  God had to stand idly by while His son was crucified to save us from our sins.  He could have easily stopped this event from happening, but God knew the death of His son was for the greater good of us all.

Jesus also knew about losing someone.  In John 11:1-44, we read the story about Lazarus and his sisters.  Lazarus was a close friend of Jesus’s close friends.  Lazarus’s sisters Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus that “the one he loved was sick”.  Lazarus died before Jesus made it back to Judea.  He walks into a situation where Martha and Mary are mourning their brother.  Jesus sees his good friend Lazarus and in John 11:35 we read that Jesus wept.  Jesus understands losing someone close to you.  However, just as Jesus did with Lazarus, anyone who believes in Jesus will rise up and be with Jesus forever.  We may have a physical death, but we will not have a spiritual death.

There are several verses of scripture that can help us deal with grief:

Psalm 34:18

Psalm 147:3

Matthew 5:4

So where does this leave us? We have to deal with our feelings of grief.  Helpguide.org has some helpful tips on dealing with grief:

1. Face your feelings.  If you don’t own up to how you feel and why you feel the way you do, you will never deal with your grief.  It’s ok to be sad and to miss someone.  It’s natural.
2. Express your feelings.  Tears are fine.  Talking to others about your sadness is fine.  Being angry is fine.  Just express how you feel.
3. Look after your health.  Holding onto grief can cause many health problems.  Exhaustion, difficulty thinking clearly, depression, and heart problems are just a few.  In some cases people turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with their feelings; don’t let this be you.  Turn to God.  He will help you through any situation.
4. Don’t let people tell you how to feel and don’t feel bad about how you feel.  Everyone has an opinion about what you should be doing and we try to live up to those standards.  It’s impossible.  Do what is best for your situation.  You know how much time you need to grieve.
5. Plan ahead for triggers.  Anniversaries, birthdays, and special celebrations are DIFFICULT.  I recently got married and it was extremely difficult to not have my father walk me down the aisle.  You are going to cry and you are going to be upset.  Just plan ahead for these times and give yourself the time you need to grieve.

So how do I overcome grief?  My answer is you don’t.  You just learn to deal with it and to trust in God.  He mourns with us and is there to comfort us.  God shows us what we need to know to help us move on with our lives (see my testimony God comforts those who mourn).  My father passed away almost 8 years ago and I still can look at his picture and cry.  I’m just comforted by the fact that my dad is with his Heavenly Father and couldn’t be in better hands.

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