by Angela Moreno

My motherhood journey started with a word from God. A week prior, my husband Antonio and I were at church. A noticeably pregnant woman was on stage singing praise and worship. I was so jealous of her. She was getting ready to have my dream, a baby of her own.

While I was sitting in the church, I heard a voice tell me that I would never be that pregnant woman or have a child of my own. The words stung and some tears were shed in private, but I came to terms with what I heard and had a calm peace about me. My hope is not in a child or any man on this earth. It is in Jesus and He would give me everything I ever needed.

The following week, we were back in our church. Our Pastor Orlando Juarez was preaching a series on healing when he asked if anyone needed prayer. All of the sudden, he turned and looked at me from the pulpit and asked, “Is everything all right? Is there something I need to pray for you about?” I answered with a no because I really didn’t have anything on my heart or a need that I was feeling at that time. He asked again, “Are you sure? I really feel led to pray for you.” Again I denied anything going on because I really didn’t have anything that I was feeling pressed to pray about.

Orlando replied with, “Well I’m going to pray for you anyway.” Orlando asked for others to lay hands on us as a couple. A lady that I did not know came and sat by my side. She put her arm around my shoulder. Orlando prayed over us. When he was done praying, the lady said she had a message for me. She said that God was going to give me something that I had wanted for many years. She said I had given up on this something, but God had heard my cries and was going to give it to me.

I could barely contain my tears through the remaining part of the service. I knew exactly what she was talking about—my child. Luckily Antonio and I had drove to the church separately. I needed to have a heart-to-heart with God. I told God that I didn’t understand. Just a week before I had a clear voice telling me I would never have a child of my own and I had come to terms with it. Why now was this happening?

I believe that the previous week was a test of my faith. Was I willing to give up what my heart desired more than anything to be obedient to God?  I had agreed and came to terms with not having a child and now God was letting me know that He was giving me a child. He had seen my tears and knew my heart.

I will never forget the night I finally saw my positive test result. After 20 years of waiting for a husband and 7 months of negative test results, I thought this day would never happen. Countless tears and nights of my husband comforting me would finally come to an end and great joy would enter my heart.

What I came to understand is that I needed these seven months to fully rely on God and His grace.  At the beginning of this journey, I was relying on myself and the Internet.  I was going to conceive as quickly as possible using the tips that I learned from every possible Internet source I could get my hands on.

However, nothing would ever have happened without surrendering to the will of God. And I finally surrendered. I quit tracking everything, I quit reading articles on conception, and I quit putting pressure on myself. I’m not going to say that I still didn’t have those moments of weakness where Satan tried slipping in to remind me about what God wasn’t doing for me, but I countered those attacks with the words YOUR WILL BE DONE.

Once I realized what God was trying to do in me, I surrendered fully and so much peace was in my heart. Even before I took that positive test, I told God that I would be alright with the results either way. I knew I would cry if it was negative and so did He, but He also knew that I trusted Him fully and I wanted HIS will to be done and HIS timing.

In Exodus 20:4, God tells us that “you should not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.” For a while, having a child was an idol in my life. I wanted it more than I wanted God. When I realized that nothing can ever replace the love of God and my heart was right with God, He knew I was ready for motherhood.

When I cried my tears of joy and thanked Him later that night, I swear I could see the smile on God’s face and I could feel the joy in His spirit.

Our precious baby boy was born on March 29 at 8:20pm.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for this precious gift that He gave to us. I will spend the rest of my days teaching this child about the love of God and how faithful He is.  God is there even when we don’t think He is.